October 30, 2012

Great Scott! No, not you Charles.





Apropos nothing, and not talking about The News- 


Here’s a monumental invention that’s been hiding it’s light under an Etsy bushel while the world’s scientists continue to slave away in their conventional labs. Yes folks, they said it couldn’t be done but a little known Bristol inventor had gone and invented a time machine. A TIME MACHINE!!!  
Wouldn't we love to have one right about now?  Alas, its no longer available.  Did too many try and succeed?

According to the manufacturers it was a “hand held device for traversing the chrono scape” which transported a willing volunteer through the vortex of time itself. “Feuled by raw liquid ether held in the containment vessel at the bottom,” they continued, “the user had only to wind the clockwork mechanism at the top the desired number of times to initiate chronoporting.” Fair enough.  

Ah, but did it work? At $100,000 it bloody well should have! Now if it had been on offer for $9.99 I’d be a bit skeptical myself, but if it costs that much then it had to be real. Plus they have photographic proof of its chronosphere-surfing attributes, apparently, which you can view here:  As aul owl used to say, I want to believe!


On the whole I think my favorite part of their sales pitch though, aside from their offer of the chance to navigate the boundaries of eternity itself, had to be their disclaimer:

Watts Industries Accepts no responsibility for chronofreeze, ingestion by theropods, Vexatious encounters with robots and infantication. If raw liquid ether is ingested seek medical attention yesterday.

Time flew? Don’t say you weren’t warned! 


10 comments:

The Magnanimous and Beneficent Doctor Warthan said...

Time travel is real... I travel forwards 24 hours each and every day!

Charles said...

WHAT? NO FLUX CAPACITOR?!

Alistair (3rd Great Scott?) said...

Did it require 1.21 gigawatt or standard house current for start-up?

frenchtoast said...

There's no way this worked!
There's no DeLorean attached to any part of it in the picture! It's a shame what people will fall for these days without first researching what it shoud look like...

Syl v O said...

It didn't come with any Unoptanium Crystals and we all know u need those crystals for it to work.

Dr. Bunsen and your gaggle of fans said...

We think it needs a Tesla coil to give it a little more power. We've misplaced our portable one. It's probably with our Ipods.... dang.

Thanks for the "reality relieve"!

asterix said...

If I had a time machine the very last thing I'd do is tell about it. I'd be too busy rescuing the scrolls from the library of Alexandria, and grabbing Nikola Tessla's notes before the goons burned down his workshop. I would not reveal it's existence to my younger self, because I'd know that I couldn't keep such a thing a secret.

Thanks for the UPlift.

Anja said...

The Steampunk Time Machine was designed as a prop for a short film.

and yes, thanks for the comic relieve!

Mona said...

Boy, could I use one of these machines NOW. Stuck in New York.

And yes, thank you for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my cousin were just preparing to do some research on this. We got a book from our local library but I think I learned better from this post. I’m very glad to see such great info being shared freely out there…