July 31, 2012

Let me be good, but not yet.







Dear Cosmic Dust Administrator,


This is to certify, declare, state and assert that I intent to reside, exist and otherwise be in this, and of this world until the day…

(I hate the thought that I have to die). 

I will retain the right to use any or all of the privileges, talents, gifts, and vices bestowed, inherited, or enthusiastically acquired, until the day of my…

(I suppose I shouldn’t mind).

It is understood and hereby set forth that the above mentioned rights, privileges, talents, gifts and vices do not entail any reward, recompense or honorarium to you, payable after…

(I remember very vividly lying on my bed and looking down at my hands and thinking to myself, “Some day this will be the hands of an old woman.”)

That they are to be enjoyed by me, without let, hindrance, suggestion or specification until my…

(Sure enough, my hands are showing signs of old lady-ness.  I’m not all the way to what my 12 year old self worried about. But I’m closing in.)

It is further understood that any cracks, gags or drolleries which may be made, delivered, vouchsafed or otherwise said by the party of the first part in regard to or in connection with the above mentioned privileges, talents, gifts, and vices must be of the first order, class and type.
(It’s not the hands. It’s the part that comes next, the part where one day we close our eyes and don’t open them again, that’s what’s bothering me.)

Nothing herein embodied, implied or hinted at, however, shall be construed as an attempt, effort, or move, to withdraw, modify, or in any other way change the simple fact that... 

If you must - you must.

(I just can’t reconcile that with the extraordinary awareness of being alive.)






Yours, eternally, by default








12 comments:

Charles said...

Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo…
tolle, lege, tolle, lege … pick up and read, pick up and read
In your case, I believe, more Evelyn Waugh than St. Augustine?
Great post, thanks.

B(aby)B(oomer)too said...

Yes, I too have thought about this.
So my saying goes: Yes, I know, I need to be recycled, but not until I have time to fit this into my busy life.

Mona said...

Make me forgiving, but not too much: Let me hold onto some of the pleasures of feeling righteous resentment.

Dr. Bunsen (atomic particle administrator)and YOUR gaggle of fans said...

Dear Ms. Edna,

Field experiments and laboratory experiments have shown that the awareness of death can motivate increased expressions of tolerance, egalitarianism, compassion, empathy, and pacifism, see, there is hope for you baby boomers yet.
Hyperspatially - (or in a nucleus nutshell) Protonic P+, neutronic n0 and electronically e- yours

a friend said...

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
~Steve Jobs 2005 Stanford commencement address

Alistair (from the land of Calvin) said...

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Love the post.

Alan said...

A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing women-all at the same time.
It was a lovely funeral.

Loved the post.

Anonymous said...

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking.
Number two is death.
Death is number two!
Does that sound right?
This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

An appreciative dinosaur (baby boomer) too said...

It's not that I'm afraid to die,
I just don't want to be there when it happens. -Woody Allen

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great post

Ms. Edna (squared) said...

Thank you Dr. Bunsen and fans “WHAT” would I be without you?
Good to know that there is, according to you, hope for us B(aby)B(oomer)s.
Call me stubborn, but I enjoy running my own field and laboratory experiments. So, onward and upward.
I may be old fashioned but I have enjoyed great pleasure in finding my favorite particle composition. I theorised about a particle and run some standardised tests just to see if there was a spark before I even thought about colliding at high velocity. Some were a mixed bag I must say. Quarks, electrons and neutrinos just looking for a good time that sort of thing. But I wanted more than just a one billionth of a second stand. Enter the profile I was looking for. It had all the right attributes. Smart, funny and weighing a healthy 2… gigaelectronvolts – just the way I like it. Despite the excitement however, I was taking it slow and duplicated the results in a controlled environment just to be sure it was the real thing. After all, we’ve all been burnt before.
I’m sure this comment has given you a quantum spin of an electron in a hydrogen molecule.

Hyperspatially yours

Dr. Bunsen said...

Dearest Ms. Edna,
In this we are as two diatomic molecules with a 100% covalent bond.

Ms. Edna (squared) said...

Hyperspatially speaking, of course.