March 07, 2009

The E(verything) chip

Why bother putting the V-chip in everyone's TV when you can put it directly into everybody's brain? It would be like a flu shot and afterward you'll never want to watch violence or sex again and you'll be always looking on the sunny side of life. You'll be nice all day long and at night you'll sleep unless it's the time of the year when you must procreate. In fact, the V-chip could be pro­grammed to get TV direct into the brain so you won't need a TV set any­more. The nice, violence- and sex-free shows will just pour in behind your eyebrows and entertain you from within. Commercials won't bother you because they'll go directly to your money and make you spend while you watch. No need to move at all. You can even vote out of the V-­chip by just wiggling your toes, once for the Democrats, twice for the Re­publicans. The V-chip, which by now is an E or Everything-Chip, can also contain health information that will keep your cholesterol and blood pres­sure in check so that you can live forever and do as much good as you can while consuming as much as possible without any ill effects. When your chip gets old, you can choose to have it replaced or you can just fade away with the chipless masses. The chip less people of the world will die sweaty in sinful cities by their hobo fires. These cities, full of temptation and outlaws who've ripped the chip out of their heads, will eventually have to be eradicated. By contrast, the eternal suburb of the chip people will be just like heaven, all harp music and singing puppy dogs and malls as soft as a pillow, void of pain and art. All the cravings for violence and sex that the media woke in us will be collected for the government by private storage companies who will scrape them off your E-chips every month or so. They will be stored in big pools of a new strategic reserve to be released by the army if a new Dictator or something shows up. Thank you for the E-chip. Tomorrow will definitely be another day.

sketches by John Fischetti

1 comment:

a reading fan said...

Hilarious, keep on posting, please.