Warning, to spare you the boredom of reading further, this post is of a personal nature and probably only of interest to friends.
After Paris, I returned to Turks & Caicos. I would give myself a daily lecture. Buck up. Just because your health has failed doesn’t mean you are a failure. Just because you have been rejected, does not mean you are worthless and unlovable…
Oh, did I mention that I had spent the last year in and out of a difficult relationship? It once seemed equal parts delightful and complicated, but as we drew closer, it tilted ominously towards painful. I’m sure I wasn’t the first woman to have a liaison with an ambivalent man.
Sounds familiar? It would if you or anyone you know had gone through a breakup and health crisis.
A breakup you choose. Sickness chooses you.
My thoughts morphed into those comic strip clouds of aggregated words. Two big bubbles popped up: Health. Love. I was down two for two.
Working trough the clouds of sadness I spotted another loss. Work. It was always there faithfully demanding my attention, regardless of my private life. Work more than filled up my time. It kept me distracted from painful questions, such as: Do I really want to spend the rest of my days tethered to ambivalence?
Charles would call twice a day charmingly, sweetly punctual.
“How are you today?”
“What are you doing?”
“Keep it up; you’ll be going nowhere fast.”
I prop up Tolstoy at the terrace table-so I could read about Anna Karenina throwing herself under a train.
Actually, I learned very young that I was capable of falling hard, and thus learned almost as early how to protect myself. This trait, I reminded myself, revealed itself long before I got sick.
For a week, I relished feeling sorry for myself. Then I went sailing. I figured, if my strenght gave out before coming back to port, no big loss.
And then faith intervened, again, twice.
Larissa called to say that she was pregnant, unexpected, delighted, and would I be godmother?
And I met Ann and Lars.
One morning getting ready to sail Bijela fell overboard. Before I could pass out from shock Lars who was anchored next to us, jumped into the water, and rescued her before she became shark breakfast.
One day during lunch Lars said, “You know,” liking nothing better than telling stories, even if he had to make them up, “for the longest time I have been looking for a business partner. I design and manufacture telemetry systems.”
“What are telemetry systems?” I ask.
“Did he know I had worked in electronics?”
“I went to see Rosa the fortune teller yesterday. She also told me you would be a great addition to my team.” Big Leo smile.
“Did she also tell you that I have M.S.?”
“Yes. No problem. Work the hours you want. The rest will fall into place.”
That was one powerful fortuneteller. How ‘fortunate’ for me, and thank you Charles.