Showing posts with label ✗✗✗✗❣ ツ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ✗✗✗✗❣ ツ. Show all posts

August 12, 2013

Hiding in plain sight.



Madrid is one of the most unexpected and sparkling cities you can visit in Europe. Elegant and somewhat austere, with big traffic from avenues well-regulated, not really a park city (despite the big Parque del Buen) but it is definitely the city par excellence of the great museums, classic or contemporary.

The pink marvel of the Prado is one such fundamental stop, one unmissable destination when ‘in town’ and for me, it is room 37, and the Condesa de Chinchón.  She was one of Spain’s unseen Goyas until acquired from the Rúspoli family for a ‘king’s ransom’. 

The countess, a fashionably dressed young woman, sits in a chair to have he portrait painted.  She is almost a contemporary of Gainsborough’s feathery beauties and Ingres’s icily flawless grandes bourgeoises.  But attractive as this girl is, the painting does not flatter; it arouses unease.

Her isolation is what you feel first: her chair is surrounded by darkness.  Under the blond fringe, her dark eyes are apprehensive; her hands are clasped anxiously over the gentle swell of her belly.  Painted by Goya, the greatest painter of an age of anxiety in which the civilized assumptions and institutions of two centuries crumbled.  “The sleep of reason produces monsters,” he wrote, and, in all but the charming rococo work of his youth, chaos, dread, and fear throng the shadows, sometimes assuming monstrous shapes and faces.  Our own age produces little that Goya did not envision.


María Teresa de Borbón, 15th Countess of Chinchón, who had been encouraged by Queen Maria Luisa of Parma and by opportunism to marry Manuel de Godoy, the Prime Minister, in a marriage of convenience.



July 09, 2013

While the going was good.



I was warned, and I knew that starting July 1 all travel would explode with screaming children and overall airport hell.

I hate modern holiday travel and decided to stay the summer in the flames of Los Angeles not moving ‘till the beginning of September — when everyone else has returned in a heap at home.

Summer travel is hot and tough and you have to be in fighting shape to withstand it. The endless security lines, the highway back-ups, the screwed-up restaurant reservations... Even if you already have a chic summer rental in Provence or in East Hampton, or a yacht in St. Tropez, or a suite on the Seaborne, nothing can make me want to withstand the rigors of just getting there! Except ...a complete disconnect-a retreat.  A fast from food, people, media and technology.

I am not talking about a destination spa vacation (too much of a commitment) or a weekend ‘get away.’ The latter reeks of Vegas, booze, strippers and Cirque de Soleil. I realized that nobody ever returns from a summer jaunt feeling refreshed or revitalized. Who can honestly say that after a trip that includes standing at any baggage claim carousel?



Airports are notorious for being unpleasant. But there are a few that stand-out in my mind. The arrival hall at Calgary International Airport is one.  Both fun and educational.



I am a pill when it comes to travel as you can see. I only desire an absolute ‘Stop the World I Want to Get Off’ moment, or nothing. I say: to be constantly everywhere is to be nowhere ... and exhausted.

So, where do I go?  The Central California Coast between Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. I can get to Carpinteria in the blink of an eye and it always feels vintage California and very ‘under the radar.’  And yes, I don't run into any bling and glitz.


The days vanish in a blur of reading, hiking and most of all sleeping to the sound of the ocean which is better than Ambien. That hypnotic thunderous sound of waves took me in and under, and frankly I don't remember much of anything.  Imagine having such a front row seat to nature without a single wail from a distant toddler. I can hear and smell the waves at all times. The ocean becomes a backdrop. The smell of iodine, seaweed and eucalyptus is like no other and heals me instantly. The sound is nature's original white noise. 

In spite of the fact that I stopped all calls and the laptop remained unpacked I found out all the news fit to print or stream through a few neighborhood market excursions (some shoppers thought they spotted Edward Snowden on the beach). Ah, small towns ...the real CNN of life.


Back home. It is hot!  No problem ... I am relaxed, centered, clean, clear, aroma-ized, freshly flip-flopped ... and ready to listen to a stream of messages demanding I get my lazy *** in gear.  Ah well, home again.




May 09, 2013

“Omnia Omnibus Ubique—All Things for All People, Everywhere."






Long before I visited London, I knew about Harrods.  Harrods was where you could buy anything under the sun.  I knew about double-decker buses and I understood how the mysterious Underground trains worked. 

I knew London before I ever saw it, and when I actually did get to see it, as a 10-year-old ‘sophisticate’, it never for a second let me down: the double-deckers were shiny and red as fire engines; the steep white houses in Belgravia were trimmed with baskets of milk bottles and boxes of flowers; at the Grosvenor House hotel, a sign in the dining room announced that gentlemen were no longer required to dress for dinner. They dressed anyway, young men in antique dinner jackets that would, years later, appear to me to have been lifted from the BBC's wardrobe department.

London was alight with possibilities out of a favorite picture book: Dr. Johnson's house tucked away in Gough Square; the views of Parliament from Westminster Bridge; the Old Bailey where old judges wore silly curly wigs and talked like judges in the movies. There was a pretty young queen on the throne, and in front of her palace, row upon row of toy soldiers came to life every morning at 11:30 for the Changing of the Guard.

That child's London, that city I loved so much, was London as a theme park: tidy, glistening, held in an emulsion of sentiment and memory, played by a perfect cast. The images of that city remain indelible, and they show me, even as the snapshots fade to sepia, that at first glance, at least, the cliches of travel ineluctably prove the truth. And oh, above all else, its cobblestones smooth with age-London was old.

It was still old in the Swinging Sixties when I returned.  At Rye, a town exquisitely dressed for the past, I dutifully called on Lamb House, where Henry James lived, went to Chawton in Hampshire for Jane Austen, to Yorkshire for the Brontes. Or was it Laurence Olivier in the movie version? But the music won. I bought a miniskirt from Mary Quant; went to discos that, hewn from London's bowels, were so dark at midday you were blinded when you emerged; and yearned to visit the Cavern Club in Liverpool.  The music has been made part of history, co-opted by the theme park, and on the Rock Tour of London the guide on the bus will show you where "the famous ate and slept and lived and loved." If there's time, a visit to Beatle City in Liverpool is the nonpareil nostalgia trip, Britain's answer to Graceland.  Ah, well, McCartney and Jagger and Bowie are pushing “advanced middle-age”, or, as Yogi Berra once said, "It feels like deja vu all over again."


For a decade (1989-99) Coronation Street was available for inspection: it was a wonderful blurring of illusion and reality to walk the street that served as the set for Britain's longest-running soap. Granada Television opened its back lot to tours, thanks to its resident design genius, Roy Stonehouse. There was Coronation Street, hard by 10 Downing Street, where a jolly copper stood out front. But best of all was the exquisite copy of Natalie Wood's dressing room-complete with fake Greek statuary and empty champagne bottles-when she starred in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof opposite Laurence Olivier as Big Daddy.

There are two kinds of theme park, of course. One, like Granada's, was self-contained, where the price of admission got you into a chaste environment, idealized, sanitized, with thirty-one flavors, and, happily for Britain, the weather removed.

But for me, in Britain it's the other sort of theme park that fascinates, where life imitates life and the past pursues itself. It's everywhere: in Edinburgh, men wear kilts in bars; in Glasgow, a city once reputed to be Europe's ugliest, public relations people promote opera and croissants. The former proprietor, Mohamed Al-Fayed, of Harrods made “Harrods more like Harrods, re-creating the elegance of the twenties and thirties," or so they said, but no one said whether they could re-create the salespeople as human beings. Omnia Omnibus Ubique—All Things for All People, Everywhere.

Never mind, there is always Covent Garden or tea at the Ritz, where I once met a man who could actually be said to have been wielding an umbrella.

Consciously, unconsciously, the natives play their parts: the cockney newsagent who sells you the headlines calls you "ducks"; the antiques dealer in that Cotswolds village worries about whether he can get his roof re-thatched; and locals in Stratford-upon-Avon dress up as Stratford townsfolk. Tourists, when not attending the plays of W. Shakespeare or consuming a Hamlet-burger, take snaps of people who resemble inhabitants of Stratford. Window boxes are perfectly kept.

''The Gentile’s Israel," a friend of mine calls England. It's the British obsession with the past, with class, both real and mercenary, that makes it a mecca for Americans yearning for history.  Brooke Astor, perhaps the last grande dame of New York society, who's spent a good deal of her stylish life in England, said, "Americans still do go to England to 'make it' in society. After all, to go and dine at Blenheim would drive most Americans up the wall with joy."

And there are peacocks cavorting in Holland Park, and gee whiz, those window boxes! Ah, life in the theme park! Better than Reality T.V., better than any soap. And the bride and the groom from atop the wedding cake in the window where we press our noses have come to life on the palace balcony, life magically puffed into them by some cosmic, kingmaking Walt Disney. Like Mickey and Minnie, they cavort for our pleasure in their very own nation-sized theme park, called the United Kingdom.

For decades, there's been a version of Britain promoted that is all jolly nobles in stately homes, all teddy bear rallies at Longleat, vintage cars at Beaulieu, weekends, for a price, at Blenheim, complete with footmen. We love it, we want it, not, I suspect, because we are naive suckers for the odd trenchcoat or title, but for the same reason tourists from all over the world do - the French who call their kids Harry; the Japanese who join Sherlock Holmes clubs; the Russians who built a Mary Poppins Street at the Moscow Film Studios for the immensely popular Soviet version. It works because the Brits themselves are crazy about their own past, the most theatrical nation on earth, entranced with ritual and ceremony, tourists in their own land.

In the 21st century, a captain of industry longs to rent knee breeches and kneel down while the queen taps him on the shoulder with a sword; pictures of royals sell millions of magazines; people get dolled up like extras in My Fair Lady for Ascot; Prince Charles goes to the mat to protect Georgian buildings.

As Britain plunges headlong into the future, it becomes ever more concerned with preservation, renovation, the rehabilitation and protection of its culture-much like the Victorians, who, passionate for progress, were massively sentimental and put medieval ruins in their gardens and crammed their parlors with memorabilia as an expression of family values. Conservatism pays lip service to traditional values, but the policies with which it is associated promise more change, more innovation, more growth, more technology.

Go and see the Docklands and London's East End renovation so huge it's called the biggest new city in Europe. A ride on the elevated Docklands Light Railway is an experience for the picture album, it's that good.

The few remains of the old docks still give off a faint whiff of London as the great port city and the tiny slices of the Dickensian city so authentic that the BBC could film Bleak House without building any sets, or changing anything at all.

But the warehouses at Butler's Wharf and Cinnamon Wharf that once supplied an empire now supply the chic with converted lofts and penthouse apartments, all glass, bricks, and views of Tower Bridge and behind the riverfront apartments and high-rises are the rapidly disappearing council flat neighborhoods.

The London Data Table is a “table” in the shape of Greater London, which allows data to be visualised and made tangible, bridging the digital and the physical.  Data such as real-time aircraft positions, bicycle hire usage, and live traffic updates can be projected onto the table, creating an immersive overview of what’s going in the city.

Like all great cities, London contains the quaint and transcends the picturesque; it is at the same time real and a story out of that tattered book of my childhood. It's too rich, too wild, too seditious, and too full of life to succumb. The music plays on.


Later...

April 19, 2013

The long way down Knuckle* Hills.


*Ngong in Swahili

Today I thought about Uncle Gus, which made me think of Kenya and Tanzania. That thought led me to stories about Kenya and…to this ramble. So passed a sunny afternoon.

A few years ago I was delighted to accept a kind invitation to go to Kenya and spend a week with Uncle Gus. One of the reasons I was keen to go was that he and I had long shared an obsession with the (officially still unsolved) murder of Josslyn Victor Hay, 22nd Earl of Erroll, who had been part of the HappyValley Set in Kenya. Uncle Gus wheeled out heaps of Old Kenya Hands for me to quiz on their first-hand knowledge, memories, and local folklore about all the protagonists in this classically Colonial murder.  All the ingredients are there - sex, booze, money, scandal, screamingly mad eccentrics and an unexpected insight into the Colonial justice system. It's also a fascinating peep into the mindset of those crazy brave souls who took off across the sea to make new lives in strange lands.

I just love those long-ago attitudes - harvest ruined by lack of rain? Buck up!  

Husband given you syphilis? Buck up, plant coffee, adopt a deer and ride for days alone round the perimeter of your lands.

Lost your entire inheritance in a bet? Stiff drink, buck up and shuffle the cards again.

Lover unfaithful? Buck up, follow him to Paris and shoot him (read up on the wonderful Alice de Janze. They simply don't make them like that any more.)

I had a lovely time and spent several happy afternoons drifting about the Muthaiga Club. To this day, cameras are banned in case members are snapped with someone they shouldn't be with. No money changes hands - everything is signed for on a chit and accounts are settled depending on the harvests. I shamelessly eavesdropped on a classic exchange between two old boys in the foyer. One covered in red dust, just driven into town, the other in pressed khaki, grasping a large gin, waiting for him.

"Super to see you. How's the wife?"
"Bloody cancer. Doc's not too hopeful."
"Rotten luck, old chap."
"Drink?"

Everyone I met had a pragmatic, almost casual attitude to death. They all had first or second-hand experience of carjacking, shooting, attacks by animals, theft, crazed hippos charging, and rape.  Uncle Gus and I drove his old jeep up to Lake Naivasha one day to visit the Djinn Palace, Josslyn Hay’s old haunt.

On my last day Uncle Gus a guide and I went on a riding safari into the Ngong Hills.  My horse definitely had racehorse blood. Our safari was supposed to take an hour. It lasted four. The guide got lost. Recent rains had caused sudden growth so all the paths had disappeared. My horse jumped a gorge and left my Uncle and guide on the other side as we galloped away, crashing through spiky
undergrowth, caught by trailing thorns. I wasn't even carrying lipgloss, much less a mobile phone. It turned out I was no longer made of the stern frontier-smashing stuff of yesteryear. Somewhere along the way I had become a small girl on a sodding great horse who really, really wanted to go home.  It didn't take that long to find me, covered in scratches and sunburnt.  When I finally dismounted in the yard, my knees buckled with either shock or relief.  Uncle Gus stuck a filthy great sundowner in my hand and they all looked the other way while I bloody well bucked up!  :<>


Smashing weekend.

April 06, 2013

Post(ed) Wisdom




“There is no reason why you should be bored when you can be otherwise. But if you find yourself sitting in the hedgerow with nothing but weeds, there is no reason for shutting your eyes and seeing nothing, instead of finding what beauty you may in the weeds”
~Emily Post

Emily Post was one classy number.  A proponent of appropriate social conduct and manners her book Etiquette rocked the charts in the 1920s.  I am old school, I know, but the o so trendy current lack of politeness drives me nuts! 



The little urban hipsters feel spiteful this week because I have pulled of the shelf, and will be reading, this little number...  



Here’s an uproarious look at being on your best behavior . . . and on your worst!

I would say manners are a lost art, but they should not be an art.  They should just be the way we all strive to relate to each other.  In Ms Edna’s opinion, too-common rudeness is just obnoxious. 


The Gift of Humor

The joy of joys is the person of light but un-malicious humor. If you know any one who is gay, beguiling and amusing, you will, if you are wise, do everything you can to make him prefer your house and your table to any other; for where he is, the successful party is also. What he says is of no matter, it is the twist he gives to it,the intonation, the personality he puts into his quip or retort  or observation that delights his hearers, and in his case the ordinary rules do not apply. Eugene Field could tell a group of people that it had rained to-day and would probably rain tomorrow, and make everyone burst into laughter —or tears if he chose—according to the way it was said. But the ordinary rest of us must, if we would be thought sympathetic, intelligent or agreeable,“go fishing.”
~Emily Post, Etiquette 1922


Rock on Emily.




March 08, 2013

Forget Swann, remember the Madeleines.




Perhaps one of the most delicious reading passages can be found in Marcel Proust’s Swann’s Way.  His remembrance of eating a Madeleine. A glimpse of a pleasure he can't identify. 

…“I raised to my lips a spoonful of the tea in which I had soaked a morsel of the cake. No sooner had the warm liquid mixed with the crumbs touched my palate than a shudder ran through me and I stopped, intent upon the extraordinary thing that was happening to me. An exquisite pleasure invaded my senses”…






“Tea and Madeleine” & “Aunt Leonie's Sofa” by David Richardson



But Messieurs Proust and Swann not only found their pleasures in eating Madeleines. For the French had a bit of well established joy that was wedged between the responsibilities of work and the duties of family called five-to-seven (le cinq á sept). A little bit of lost time in the early evening hours.  Alas, that bit of five-to-seven frivolity was severely shattered when a character in Françoise Sagan's 1967 novel La Chamade sighed-

“…In Paris, no one makes love in the evening any more; everyone is too tired…”

According to La Sagan it all had changed. Tant pis.


That little bit of pleasure should be revived.  I'm not advocating anything untoward-as you read everyone is too tired-but I wonder if five-to-seven could be reinstated to mean a bit of stolen time.  

How much more agreeable you might be if you inserted a little five-to-seven into your day?  

Switching off, as far as the I-(know everything) phone knows, you could be lost in a dead zone.  Perhaps a drink, or tea and Madeleines, and the company of an interesting friend? Don't take friend as a euphemism five-to-seven is most fun if the agenda is uncomplicated.  

Of course every secret pleasure is heightened if it has a taste of the forbidden so it gives me great joy to know that the I-(know everything) phone thinks I’m stuck in a dreaded mobile dead zone...when all along I’ll be roaming blissfully and having un doux petit rêveur. 

À bientôt.





March 05, 2013

Verkehrte Nacht?




“What means this, verkehrte nacht?” The little urban hipster wanted to know.

“Where did this come from?” I asked.

“We listened to this piece of music I think it’s called something like verkehrte nacht what does it mean?”

Well, if you live long enough you will, once again, have the opportunity to transfigure someones night...


Way back in the dark ages, the grammar school I attended included a music curriculum. The class marshaled all the worst features of classroom instruction to make its case:  an auditorium with lousy acoustics as a classroom, an otherworldly teacher who was unable to communicate her love of music to the class, and semesters of uninspired lectures.

How it came about I don’t recall but the teacher decided on a student lecture and the student she chose for this assignment was me.  My topic was the twelve-tone system, about which I knew not a whit   and I knew wasn’t going to increase my popularity quotient very much.

I took my assignment seriously.  I found out the names of the twelve-tone big three-Schoenberg, Berg, and Webern—and got LP records (yes, it was that long ago!) containing music composed by each.  I read up, as best I could in those pre-Internet days, on what “twelve-tone” meant.  The basic rule seemed to be that you had to use all twelve notes in the chromatic scale before you repeated any one of them.

I don’t recall what pieces I listened to, but I do remember that, despite repeated attempts, it was tough going.  I liked the idea of having a system for writing music, though.  Sort of like the rules for a sonnet, I thought, a framework to guide you on your way.  I decided, since I didn’t understand the stuff I was hearing, maybe I’d just write one that made sense to me. 
(Ah, the hubris of youth . . .)

While the class dozed and doodled, I did my best to explain what I’d learned, including some examples from LPs.  I saved the piece I’d written until the end.  To my surprise, some of my classmates awakened long enough to proclaim it genius.  My piece, they said, was so much better than those other ones.

The piece I wrote is lost to time, but I guarantee you that genius it was not.  What I’d done, as I recall, was to package those twelve tones into something like an ordinary melody.  Not entirely hummable, but more like music familiar to us all.  And on that victory I rested.  



*Verklärte Nacht (or Transfigured Night), Op. 4, is a string sextet in one movement composed by Arnold Schoenberg.


February 01, 2013

“Haw ar u?” asked the wizard.



“Grandma rolled her own cigarettes, her stockings, and her happy way of life…”
~Ted Peckham, Grandma Rolled Her Own




I spotted the book on the bookshelf and decided it was time for a re-read.  The inscription reads; “I’m sure you will be rolling your own” Ted Peckham, 1970.


It is always interesting to hear first-hand accounts from those charitable purveyors of tattle and tidbits who had the good fortune to secure a sought-after invitation.  What made them exceptional as guests were their acute observational skills, social dexterity, villainous wit, disarming candor and their gift for storytelling. History and high society is filled with some of the greatest galloping tattlers, like...

Upon arriving in Paris, many years ago, I found a message from Monina saying why didn’t we look up Ted Peckham at the Paris Ritz.  We called on Mr. Peckham in the lobby and found him to be tall and tanned with the even features of the pre-war leading man with bright blue eyes that didn’t miss a beat.  Mr. Peckham was full of smiles and radiated well being.

“I’ve seen so many people I know,” he said. “I just ran into Bobo Rockefeller.”  The blue eyes swept the lobby.

Even after finding so many over-the-top characters in Mona's life this one proofed to be top of the list.  Mona told us that Mr. Peckham ran an international escort service before the war.  “The escort had to be Tout-Paris or in the Almanach de Gotha or in the New York Social Register.  I was very snobbish,” Mr. Peckham said. 

Later he took up dress design and at the year of our meeting was designing jewellery.  

“I deal in anything that amuses me I’ve sold everything from yachts to Paulette Goddard’s garter belt even jewellery to Kenny Lane and a bracelet to Eva Gabor with a huge ugly lion’s head and a lot of bad diamonds very effective.” 

“Mona said I should tell you about the time I went to the Ritz Thrift Shop in New York and bought all the furs-yellow ermine, long capes with Joan Crawford shoulders.  A friend of mine gave me a free air-conditioned cabin on a freighter he owned and took my furs to Damascus and Lebanon.  Those I couldn’t sell privately I sold in the souks.  It was a huge success.”

Another specialty at the time of our meeting was his own version of the Tupperware party.  His Louis Vuitton luggage packed with jewels, he went to Texas, California and Florida and a few points in between.  “I never go to a town where I don’t know anybody,” he said.  “My friends give a ‘cocktail party’ I get a piece of black velvet and put jewellery on it.  That’s the hors d’oeuveres.  A woman who doesn’t bring her check book doesn’t get to eat.”

“I live by my wits, but honestly,” Mr. Peckham said.  “It takes imagination.  I’m sort of a cream puff with a concrete base.

I’ve been coming to this hotel since I was a boy.” The blue eyes closed briefly.  “The older I get, the smaller the room.  But I don’t care.  I meet such nice people in the elevator and lobby.”

He was born in Cleveland, Ohio.  “Sell any jewellery there?” I ask.  “No, the people are so conservative,” he said.  His mother was Frances Miles, a silent film and Follies star.  It was his mother who first brought him to Europe. 

“My mother knew a couple of Follies girls who’d married peers.  They’d pass names on to each other. I met Lady Mendl through one of them, and the escort service started in 1936 when I was eighteen.”

The escort service had branches in London, New York, Paris, Vienna and Budapest, and was managed by the Paris boulevardier Andre de Fouquieres. Mr. Peckham also furnished stag lines for New York deb parties (“I could get 200 men in two days”) and in London arranged for Americans to be presented at Court.
How?  Oh, I knew a lot of old duchesses,” was the cryptic reply.  “I didn’t know what I was doing-if I’d known I couldn’t have done it.  I didn’t know how lucky I was or who the people were.  I wish I’d kept an address book, now I keep them religiously.”

Mr. Peckham pulled out a green address book, the biggest I’ve seen since Rene showed me his.  “I have six of these,” he said. 

I’d been looking with some attention at Mr. Peckham’s shirt, unable to describe the color. “Cerise!” he said. “You are shocked, but I think it’s all right with a conservative suit” (his was a grey pinstripe). “I’ve been influenced by women all my life,” he said. 

As we started to shake hands to say good-bye, Mr. Peckham said, “I just had my fortune told by Countess Mary Tolstoy.”

How, we asked, is 1970 going to be?

“Fabulous!”

“I knew it was going to be anyway,” Mr. Peckham added.  “I believe in magic.  You have to make your own, and I’m a wizard at it.”





     

January 18, 2013

A Fraid of ghosts?





In Britain, there are ghosts everywhere. Here in Los Angeles, there are none. My house is nevertheless infestata (haunted), according to my Italian client.

Apparently, the Devil and his cohorts are busy 24/7 casting malefici (evil spells) on me and Ditto (the cat). Who else, for example, but Il Grande Disturbatore (The Great Disturber) himself could have deposited those strange bones outside our front door the other day?  Ditto again, perhaps? Maybe, but if it’s Ditto, the lethal barn cat, she was obviously acting on the orders of L’Astuta Serpe. The client says I am not exactly posseduto (possessed) but am clearly un portatore sano (a symptom-free carrier) of nasty malefici.

In Italy, Virgin Mary statues weep tears of blood all the time and miracles are two a penny. Sometimes, but only in Catholic countries, the Virgin Mary herself appears to peasants and talks to them. In the Bosnian town of Medjugorje, the Blessed Mother has apparently appeared regularly since 1981 to local Catholics.  Anja has taken me there more than once, but the only miracle I spotted was that you can still smoke in bars and restaurants. But who am I to say? I’m an agnostic Methodist heretic and therefore worse off even than a Jehovah’s Witness according to my client.

Yet in Italy I cannot remember anyone ever talking about any house, however old, that is haunted by a ghost. It is all so different than the English countryside, where ghosts were as common as muck.

Near Canterbury in Kent my eccentric mother and I visited a dilapidated 17th-century country house called Broome Park. It had once belonged to Field Marshal Lord Kitchener of Khartoum.  I never once managed to get a decent night’s sleep in that vast decaying old place whose pitch-black unlit corridors and locked doors to secret rooms terrified me. Its ornamental gardens contained huge urns which had goat’s heads for handles. Among the rumored resident ghosts was the late wife of the building’s owner, Major Gel. The Major drove an old Bentley and looked like a ghost even though he was alive. It was said that his wife had once been a glamorous avant-garde artist who had known Hemingway in Paris. She died mysteriously after falling down the house’s huge main staircase. Her paintings were everywhere and I was petrified of seeing her ghost, but I never did. Broome Park is now a swanky golf club and holds no fear because the soul of its past has been ripped out of it.

(Moon rising at Broome Park.  The devil made them do it?)

I had assumed there are no ghosts in Italy because when Catholics die, their souls do not hang around here on Earth but go either straight to heaven or to hell.

Italian ghosts, according to the client, are not ghosts but are instead demons the Devil deploys to vex and possess human beings. If I understand her correctly, ghosts cannot be the souls of dead humans marooned in purgatory. They are therefore in no way human.

Purgatory?  That place between heaven and hell where souls too pure for hell but not yet fit for eternal salvation linger until their venial sins are purged? Well, yes, there is always that. But surely purgatory is not down here, either.

With the Devil, who is extremely cunning, anything is possible. So it is entirely feasible that a ghost is indeed the soul of a human being the Devil has hijacked, hopefully after death.

How empty my life seems by comparison. I have never seen the Virgin Mary. Neither have I seen an angel. Nor have I seen the Devil and all those demons of his. I have seen nary a fairy, hobgoblin, or imp. And I have definitely never seen a ghost, except in movies.



December 18, 2012

So this is...


...Christmas...



Signing off for a bit to enjoy some time off and celebrate. 
I wish you a wonderful holiday season, 
whether religious or secular, 
filled with laughter, friendship and the littlest bit of sparkle.